21 Days and Counting…

 

I haven’t had much to write about lately. 

Actually that first sentence is a complete lie. I have encountered so many situations lately, both in my own life and through work and friends that I could write an entire novel. Some of these stories aren’t appropriate to share, and others, I’m just not ready to share with the entire Internet. 

However, I did celebrate a small milestone today. 21 days ago, I made a life changing decision to be Paxil free. 

I kind of jumped into this decision faster than I should have. The first few days without the medication were terrible- I had incredible hot flashes and felt like I was going to sweat my own skin off. I had stomach aches just from drinking a bottle of water, I was tired all the time, and had horrible brain zaps, a term which can best be described as the feeling one gets if they stick their finger into an electrical outlet, or touch the prongs of a plug. Imaging the jolt of electricity, but only flowing through your brain. Yeah, it’s really fun. 

As time progressed all of these side effects went away. I’m back to my normal sleep-less self, and I feel completely normal again. It’s such an amazing feeling to know I can kick a habit without running back to it when times get tough or I get a little sad. (It’ll be nice when I can say the same for shopping). 

Aside from the raging emotions, I haven’t felt this good in at least five years. One minute I’ll be laughing and happy, the next minute I’ll be tearing up over a song, or watching a child with Autism try to overcome his own obstacles on television. I’m told this is just another stage of the drug withdrawal though, and I’ll sure be happy when this phase has reached it’s end. 

To say it’s been an easy three weeks would be an utter lie, but I feel a sense of accomplishment I usually only get when I see my name in print, or the newspapers have decided to pick up another one of my news stories. 

Giving up my “medicinal crutch” and learning to deal with stress and anxiety drug-free will continue to be a challenge for me, but I am so proud of the progress I’ve made so far. I Can’t wait to be able to say the same things about kicking the shopping and soda addictions 😉

Confession Time

Today, I achieved the unthinkable. I resisted buying a new pair of shoes. Not only did I resist trying on a pair of Steve Madden sandals, I walked away from the display and walked upstairs to the Macy’s woman’s department to find my mother. The worst part? The shoes were on sale and cost only $19.99. 

This year for my birthday, I decided to create a new set of resolutions for myself. I believe that your birth date marks a new year for yourself. And unless you were born on January 1,  New Year’s Resolutions don’t make any sense unless they’re being made on the date written on your birth certificate and driver’s license. 

On May 19, I decided that in my 24th year I was going to work on being an overall better version of me. I’ve been really down on myself lately. And I don’t mean down on myself in the usual sense. I’ve been depressed about not having found a job in Advertising yet; about still living at home; about moving back home in general; about not living with my boyfriend of four years; about not having money in the bank; about my weight; my hair color; my appearance in general; not having girlfriends in the city of Rochester, etc. 

Well I am about to change all of that. I’ve decided to scale back on some things, and eliminate some habits all together. I’ve made the decision to stop shopping (at least for right now) until I have a sizable amount of money in the bank and can begin to pay off all of my debt without panicking and wondering where the money is going to come from. 

I’ve decided to get off of my anxiety medication and deal with life as a real, normal human being. I’ve decided to give up soda once I feel like I can function normally without my daily dosage of Paxil, and I’ve also decided to eat a lot healthier. That isn’t to say that I won’t still binge on wine and cheesecake after a rough day though. 

Finally, I’ve decided to network, network, network and keep my resume up to date. While I’m not looking to get out of my job immediately, I am still browsing the job listings. If something that sounds appealing comes up, I’m actually going to apply instead of convince myself of all the reasons why I do not qualify for this agency or news team. 

Right now, I have about $130 in the bank. While that isn’t a large amount of money, for me this is substantial. I haven’t spent my entire paycheck at the store in two weeks, and my next pay check comes Tuesday. If I really want something, I have money to pay for it. And the best part: I’m not scraping my spare change together to fill up my gas tank, or begging Andrew for a couple of dollars for a Dunkin run. 

I’m on my fifth day of being Paxil free also, and so far I’m only incredibly exhausted, and light headed occasionally. This is actually a much better switch from the time when I was on Effexor withdrawal for two weeks because my doctor wouldn’t agree to refill the medication.

I know I have a long way to go in reaching all of these goals, but I can already see some of the progress. I really cannot wait for the day that I wake up, finding all of these mistakes and set backs behind me–smiling with pride over the person I’ve become and the life that I am living.