- His clothes. If you’re some big shot architect in Manhattan, why not dress the part. I’m not saying take on Barney’s look, but you don’t need to look like you’re still in college wearing dirty button downs and graphic tees every day either. You’re almost 30 for Christ’s sake.
- He is an “I love you” whore. Robin, you were right to be afraid. If a man declares his love for you on the first date, RUN. If he declares it with a blue trumpet, RUN. Heck, if the guy declares his affections for you any time in the relationship, before you’ve become “facebook official”, RUN.
- He actually WANTS to get married. Don’t get me wrong on this one. I cannot wait for the day I get a pretty little ring and can tell all my Facebook friends and family that I am engaged. I can’t wait to plan a wedding and find a princess gown and all that stuff. But how many men in their 20’s do you know that are actively out, searching for their future Mrs. Something-or-other? ZERO. I even went ahead and asked Andrew about this one. If a guy wants to be married, he’ll propose to his girl. Other than that, whatever happens, happens. They’re just partying till the last call.
- Luke and Leia? Ok ok. I guess it’s sweet that the guy wants children, and has already decided that he wants a boy and a girl. But really? I know Star Wars was probably a huge thing in his childhood, but why not just pull a Kim K. and name the kids North and South? Or High and low? Boy and Girl? Just something less stupid- you get the idea.
- He is “not best friends” with a guy named Barney. Any man who wears suits even to the bar on weekends, and who’s known only for being a serial dater, sexter, whatever isn’t someone you need to be seen with socially. Especially if you’re actually looking for a wife.
- He refuses to do different things. If you can’t find Ted at his architect firm or at his apartment, he’s probably downstairs at MacLaren’s. Now I am all for routine and finding a comfort zone. But as I tell my own friends: You’re not going to find your soulmate at the bottom of a bottle. Ordering another round isn’t going to score you a date. It is also likely that most of the other patrons of the bar are regulars. Meaning you’ve already hooked up and fucked them over, or you’ve seen the guys who they bring home on the regular, therefore turning you off before you can turn her on.
- He needed an entire TV series to tell his children the story of how he met their mother.